can't sleep

this is two days in a row now that i can't get ryan off my mind enough to sleep...i have drum practice in a few hours and im soo tired.. i talked to ryan yesterday and he acted like he didn't care....it was just big fight when i talk to him...bad....really....bad...and it sounded like he didn't care about wat was going on...and now i don't know if we're still dating...i mean he told me that he would call me and stuff and he didn't call me yesterday...kirsten called and i was about to go insane...i mean everything is just falling apart...just from another girl he is hangin out with him...its bad...it feels like someone stabbed a knife in my heart and everytime i think about it, they turn it...harder and harder...and it hurts worse and worse when i think about it o0o well....
my uncles came ove last night...both of them... one went to the doctor about his back and when you see him walk you can tell he is in pain and the other one can walk now...he was in a wreck over 11 weeks ago and he is now starting to walk around!! YAY!!
gosh i really cannot get my mind off of ryan...as much as my friends says doo... i just can't..
its like i want to die so it won't hurt anymore...i mean after talking to him yesterday... i really think its over...i mean yeah i really do...so probably no more brittany and ryan.... :(
i mean it was bad...it feels that everything means nothing now....i know what he going to do when he gets back and he'll regrat it..but i don't know if i can handle dating him anymore...he's hurting me too much...
plus i probably won't go sunday...i d k tho... but i probably won't...well when this is all over...i probably won't date anyone for a really long time and i probably wont have serious realationship again... ican't stand getting hurt anymore...this is twice and i'm still suffering from the first and this is going to be hard to get over cause what all we've done...gosh...i can't do this again... well i'm gonna go now............band practice in 2 hours yea!!